What Makes Us Stronger July 28, 2009 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9 HCSB)
I’m usually not one to write too much on personal issues, yet whenever I write I take it very personal. I open up my heart by placing words no a page. As I began putting some thoughts together this morning, I actually realized how long it’s been since I’ve put my thoughts together. By that I mean, for the past few months, with all that I’ve been involved, it has seemed overwhelming. It hasn’t left much time to think, meditate or putting a sentence together as I so enjoy.
Even though, I’ve had wonderful conversations with great Christian friends, studying God’s word and praying, it still has left me wondering. Has God been taking my calls, my pleas; my prayers?
The answer is simple. Of course He has! Even when I’ve been distant or felt the communication have been dysfunctional, I know that God has never left me. Let me explain:
This year started out with bang. I, along with several of my favorite people in the world, my ex co-workers lost jobs. That in it’s self was an adjustment. After spending the past 11 years at a job, to be suddenly wiped out from under us left me wobbly for a moment. But it wasn’t very long after that, I found out how I would be spending my next few months.
I swiftly found myself in the South. This would be Mississippi, which is a lovely state, where the tea is very sweet, pine, magnolia and mimosa trees share the beauty and of course Southern hospitality. I especially found my sweet relatives to be so accommodating and helpful with the task that was set before me. My Aunts and cousins are gracious and loving people. You see I went to Mississippi to evaluate my mother’s living conditions as her illness left her not being to live on her own any longer. The process took around three months, preparing my mother for the move, all the red tape, actually getting her packed and on a plane and settling her in an Assisted Living in Arizona. Then once that was somewhat under control, my husband and I returned to Ole Miss to deal with her personal property, home and pet.
During this time, although I’ve appreciated my immediate family for their love and support, I know that I’ve been pre-occupied. I know it hasn’t been easy, but as a family we are making it through, standing beside one another, supporting and forgiving one another when our pride, stubborn nature, and self gets too involved.
I have tried to remain sane as I continued to see about my mother’s needs, while not allowing it to envelope me. Let me tell you, Satan has thrown a few whoppers my way, during this journey. That alone can cause us to want to become weary and not want to do good for God. Yes, I’ve had a few moments of not wanting got get out my bed, hoping I don’t’ get a phone call or something in the mail that needs immediate or direct attention. My brain has been on overload and I allowed that overspill in my heart at times, finding myself resentful and angry for being put in the position.
One might ask, what position? Isn’t it natural to want to take care of an ailing parent or loved one? Isn’t it natural to put aside personal grievances and look toward God and base our action and decisions on what Jesus would do? That is one of those whoppers I was referring to before. For those that know me on a personal level or those that I’ve shared my story with, may understand where I’m coming from. To be perfectly honest, I did not want this. This new duty of seeing about this woman, that I call my mother. It wasn’t in my life plan that is for sure.
However, through this journey, I have had to ask for forgiveness for harboring anger, for not allowing God’s healing to take place when He has been so desperately working on for me. I have had to humble myself. I have shown strength in ways that I never realized that I had. I have had to give up control in so many ways and allow God to His work and I follow.
I have been tired beyond explanation. This has affected, my body, my mind, and my spirit. I have wanted to give up at times because I know this will also continue. It’s not over yet. My mother’s illness and conditions has caused her to have mindsets I shall never understand and no matter how hurtful she has been in the past, I have to let that go and do, act, react and respond as God leads me. I am responsible for my own actions and know without a doubt, God knows my heart.
During this time, I have been blessed in so many ways that has helped me remain sane, if you will. Some are very personal ways and some have been through other means. Most of all, I have kept myself in the WORD, which alone has kept me going. I have continued to pray even when I wasn’t sure what to pray about, wondered if God is listening and YES has answered many of those prayers.
I have been reading and studying as I just finished up a bible study titled, “The Incredible Power of Kingdom Authority” by Adrian Rogers. I am now reading a book, titled, “Let Go” by Sheila Walsh. It has been a wonderful tool and it may be hard to pin point a favorite chapter, but so far it has been chapter, 13. I especially love the prayer on page 158. I have been keeping up Proverbs 31 Ministries. T. Suzanne Eller’s latest blog, “Starting Fresh”, really hit the nail on the head. Joyce Meyer, the straight talker. She lays it out there, plain and simple. Everyone can be blessed by giving her a listen.
My personal and dearest friends on this earth have been faithful and so giving with their encouragements and steadfast friends. I have lost count on how many times, my sweet sister in Christ; Tina has emailed me scripture or words of wisdom. Her heart is amazing. My ‘sister’ Paula, has always been in my corner, never faltering in her support or love she has shown me over the past years. My dear friend, Elva, one that met when I was young and shy continues to give encouragement and reminds me that I’m worthy. I have been blessed with many friendships and a wonderful support system that whenever I need to vent or ask questions with receiving judgment has been outstanding. Lisa, reading your Seeds of Hope every morning can only remind to start my day out right. Thank you for sharing your heart. You inspire me.
My peeps, that I still adore and love spending time with, who cause me laugh and forget about the troubles for a little while. Thank you, Leslie, April, Barb, Reylyn, Pam, Penney and Margie. Your friendship is breathtaking.
Shannon and Rachel, my daughters. I love you both so very much and I am proud of your maturity and helpfulness during these trying times. I know our family unit is strong and we have been through a lot, but also always remember to keep God in your sights. He is there for you always.
My church family, especially Beverly, Mylenda, Belinda, Monica, Martha, Angie and Heather have been there, giving lending their hearts and sharing a prayer.
I’ve reconnected or met a few people lately that have been wonderful as well. Through our wonderful world have modern technically, I’ve been able share some inter most thoughts with a few new/old friends and each have been welcoming and understanding. I want to especially thank, Kellie, Pam, Dee, Teresa, Tracey and Jenny. I poured my heart to y’all (that’s the Texas girl in me) and I can’t thank you enough for your understanding and friendship.
There has been a few guys that have been pretty cool though out my journey as well, that even though don’t know the details, have sent encouragement with out even knowing it. I want to say thank you, Joe, Dave, Ray, George, Albert, Jim Bob, Ted and Rick. You are all great guys.
I want to especially thank my husband, Charles. He has been my rock, my cheerleader, my advisor, and my friend through all this. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.
So, yes, we are often dealt with circumstances that leave us feeling tired and weary. Walking in the path that God leads does not leave us with out detour, bumps or potholes. We have to watch every step so we may not stumble or twist an ankle. We have to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. He is our true and one great friend that often lead those other hearts to us, so we are not alone. Even though these days will continue, some more stressful than others, I am assured with peace that God is with me at all times. He knows ever ounce of my being. His grace is sufficient to get me through and His mercy forgives me when I fail.
Don’t grow weary when doing what is right for God. Our faith may be tested, our courage may need a charge, but our intentions will be rewarded when we strive to follow Jesus. Seek His footsteps and without reservation or doubt know that when you are ‘right with God’, you are will not grow weary.
