As we approach Father’s Day, it’s easy for me to think fondly of my Dad. He was the sort of guy that made sense of out of complicated situations. He was the calm in a storm. He was the first man that captured my heart. When I think of my dad, I can’t help to picture his grin, he calm demeanor and light -hearten personality. He was usually easy going, but I do recall one time when he wasn't willing to budge.
Recently, I was telling my youngest daughter, Rachel, about a time when I was a teenager. The time was difficult for our family. My sister, Tina had just passed away after her battle with leukemia. I often went to my dad for comfort and explanation as to why Tina had to die. I was only fifteen, and just as Tina and I were supposed to be growing into our teens together, suddenly she was gone. I knew that my parents’ heartache was there, as was mine, yet somehow, my dad knew that I needed to ask questions and time to adjust to the loss.
To help bring some type of normalcy, my cousin Kim was able to come spend the summer with us. I loved having her. The void of not having my sister was there, but having Kim certainly brought that sisterly connection that I was longing for. I hadn't had my driver’s license very long and I thought how cool it would be for when Kim came, she and I would be able to take the family car. We would have open access to the East Texas roads. We would turn up the radio and belt out the pop songs that played on the radio. We would have the time of our lives, being young and free. A screeching halt nipped that idea in the bud. No. Nope a chance. No way, was the answer I got from my dad. He wasn't going to budge and there be no discussion. Why, I asked. It’s not fair. Come on. No matter how much I pleaded, my dad said no.
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Colossians 3:20 (ESV)
At the time, I didn't get it. I thought he was being stubborn and I deserved to have a little bit of freedom with my cousin.
It was one of those moments where my dad said no and even though I wasn't happy, I respected him and didn't push it any further. Part of me understood why he was so unwavering and part of me was of course, disappointed. Deep down I understood his position but it really hit me years later. I was a young, inexperienced driver and wasn't ready to be put in a metal box the weighed around 4000 pounds, without parental supervision. Simply, I wasn't emotionally equipped for such an adventure. Maybe he knew that I wasn't prepared to take on the world with such velocity. But, what really made me get it was that, maybe, just maybe, my dad wasn't willing to risk losing another daughter. Maybe the idea of letting me go off into the world wasn't something he was prepared to do.
As a parent, we have had our moments when we had to tell our kids no. It isn't because we want to be mean or unwilling to compromise. But deep down, we can sense what is best for our child at the very moment and that could result in a “no.” I learned a lot from my dad that summer when he denied the car privileges. I learned that he was protecting me. I learned that a good parent will say no and by doing so, shows his deepest love.
Years later, even after I married and became a parent, I would often wonder how my dad would handle a situation and what advice he would lend. I still rely on the wisdom that he shared with me, time and time again over the years and without his guidance of a loving parent, and knowing that he was being led by the Holy Spirit in rearing his own children, I wouldn't be the woman and mother I am today.
My dad has gone for over twenty years now, but he remains in me daily. I honor the man that God placed on this earth to be my dad. I honor his character, his wisdom and I truly honor his love. I, for one, was a blessed kid for having a Godly dad.
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12 (ESV)
As I reflect on my dad this Father’s Day, I am filled with his presence that I would like to think, he grew on me and I have adopted his character in my own life. Often times, we can appreciate the true meaning of love when we are willing to step into it. Thank you Dad, for making that part easy.
