Heavenly Sister

September 27 marks the day, my sister ascended to Heaven. I post this entry in her honor. It isn't to remind us of the loss, but to celebrate her life. I am looking forward to seeing her again. Tina Diane Helms could capture anyone's heart. Anyone that knew her, would agree. She just had that way.


Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one, who believes in me, even if he dies, will live. ( John 11:25-26 HCSB)


Her blond streaked hair met the middle of her back. Her generous spirit fit perfectly with her petite body. The band of freckles she wore across the bridge of her nose only complimented her speckled green eyes. Her grin could capture anyone’s heart. Her wisdom far surpassed her youthful age of twelve. Nothing compared to the courage I witnessed her display as she endured the intrusive needles and treatments that seemed to exhaust her body. Even on her worst day, she exhibited a gutsy attitude. This would often radiate, when she stood up for her friends, her family, and her beliefs. Her heart, compassionate and tender had a way of protecting and loving anyone she met. She had no difficulty putting up a fight, even through her battle with cancer. Jesus never left her, even through her most feared moments. His embrace assured her through so many uncertainties such as loosing her hair from the chemo, or as the medications pumped through her veins. Even though the harsh treatments were necessary to kill the cancer cells, it often left her with invasive side effects. Through it all, she never lost her playful energy or enthusiasm for life.

On this date, my sister went to heaven. The years have come and gone, although her presence forever stays with me. Her days spent on earth are nothing compared to her eternal life. Her earthly life was just the beginning. Heaven began her birth of her eternal existence.

Every since that day, when my birth sister went to Heaven, God sent others to be part of my life. I refer to them as family. They are friends that I call Sisters in Christ. A profound presence of God shines deeply through each heart, reminding me that we don’t need the same DNA running through our veins to be related. Each present a different style and gift that I accept with gratitude. One of my Sisters told me once that when we get to Heaven we would all be reunited as one family, not as separate families as we have been on earth. She used the term, ‘Sparkling Fireflies.’ commonly known as lightening bugs. Tiny, yet bright lights buzz around our Lord; His family. My sister is already there, her spirit buzzing freely. Her light shall never grow dim, but shall reflect the most vibrant, brightest light for eternity.

You Never Know

For the entire law is fulfilled in one statement: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Galatians 5:14 HCSB)


It wasn't a particularly peculiar day at work. It's not unusual to have several people inquire for direction to find certain library items. The Dewey Decimal system can be intimating to some. When the situation calls for service, it's also not uncommon to help a Patron hunt down a much sought after book. It could be the latest bestseller. I'm often asked to assist a mom finding craft books to busy her kids during the summer or help a gentleman that can't seem locate a certain title on building backyard decks. It's comes with the job. After all, it can get quite busy some days. Shelving and accepting library materials during a summer reading program can keep an avid library employee hopping. On this day, I had several inquires to assist one person after another. Although, not much surprises me--as over the years I have seen and heard some pretty odd things occur in our public library--I was about to be surprised.

I was going about my daily routine putting away a cart of books. The area I was in ranged from home decor, sports, poetry and literature. The routine sets one into a zone and shelving non-fiction becomes systematic. As I gathered my next batch of books to put away, out of my peripheral vision I spied a petite woman walking toward me.

"Do you work here?" she timidly asked.

I replied. "Yes, yes I do."

The lady stood around 5 foot tall, nicely dressed and spoke broken English. I noticed right away her Asian dialect as she began to talk to me.

She began to explain to me that she was trying to write to a friend that had just moved to Florida. The lady proceeded to pull out several snapshots of her friend's new home. This lady wanted to return a card expressing how beautiful the Florida home was and a few other personal words of endearment. Although, she knew what she wanted to say, her understanding of how to put this into a letter format baffled her. She proceeded to ask for my help to complete a short note to her friend.

At first, I admit, I felt awkward. This stranger wants me to write a personal note to another stranger. It felt weird. I wasn't sure how to respond, but then I quickly saw in this woman's face that she genuinely wanted to express her feelings to her friend. She unfolded a single sheet of filler paper. It's first two lines had only a few words. She explained what she had written so far, but found herself stuck. I assured what she had so far was nice. A letter is simply words from a person's heart, sharing thoughts and sentiment to another. It could be anything she chose to share.

So, she began. As she spoke her thoughts to me, I wrote down the words, using the metal shelving as a make shift desk. She mentioned she would copy it over to the greeting card later.

The words were simple. "Your home is beautiful. I hope your family is doing well. My son is moving into his own apartment on July 19. I love you and miss you. It has been really hot in Arizona. I will give you a call." Love,....."

When we finished, I showed her how to address the envelope and where to include her return address. Then, I took her over to the section in the Library that holds books on letter writing. I referenced several pages showing examples of styles and formats of letter writing. She was so happy. I told her that she could use these as examples to help her along.

She seemed content with the letter she could now prepare for her friend. The thought suddenly hit me about having a Servant's Heart. Aren't we here to help one another in ways we may never expect and even when it takes us out of our comfort zone?

I decided to share the experience a co-worker. As I relayed the story, I noticed her attitude wasn't the same as mine. Maybe the day had already been too long for her. Maybe her time on the job had become too tiresome. Maybe her heart was disconnected from remembering the days of common courtesy. Her only response was to tell me of a complaining customer she had dealt with earlier. As she spoke, I thought, how sad. This place, where I began working over 13 years ago, used to go the extra mile, to help a customer. We took our time when we could to assist or share a laugh and personal inner action. After all, we are serving our community, the families that live in our neighborhoods. However, due the lack of staff, over-worked employees, and higher stresses, the attitudes have changed. The HEARTS attitudes have changed!

It is sad, but it's reality. However, in the back of my mind, the thought wouldn't escape me. The World VS God. The World says, rush, don't take your time to help others, be impatient. God says, to love others as you love yourself!

The thought of God smiling makes me so much happier than making the world happy.

I also had this thought:

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:2.

You never know....

Like a Duck on the Pond

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2 HCSB)

Many times I’ve compared myself to a duck on a pond. While the duck appears to be resting peacefully and comfortably above the water surface, beneath it paddles frantically to keep afloat.

On the outside, I seem calm and collected, keeping the plastered smile on my face. While on the inside my heart is pounding anxiously, with my palms sweating and my emotions running around in a maze.

When I am emotionally drained, I also find myself physically drained as well. It takes a toll on the mind and body. My head pounds from tension headaches and the grip is like a vice pressing tighter and tighter. My shoulders and neck tense up and ache. I debate would it help to release it all with a good cry or soak my head in sink full of ice water?

We have all days like that. Our emotions can get the better of us.

We sit in the conference room; listening to the same agenda we heard at the last staff meeting. The company is under stress and more cut backs are expected. Yes, there will be adjustments adding to the workload. Yes, we hear the same speech of depleting funds stripping the resources needed to do a job well. Inside, we are boiling. Inside our head is pulsing from the migraine the keeps reoccurring. Unable to concentrate, we begin watching the clock, hoping the workday will quickly pass. We don’t voice our opinion because, after all we do need the job.

Once again, your rebellious teen has disobeyed. The house rules have been stated time and time again, but he doesn’t seem to adhere. His attitude and body language conveys his distance and disrespect. Your disappointment is hard to hide, but even more your heart is broken because you know that your son knows better. You didn’t raise him to be so disrespectful. You try to remember the days before he began talking back and disobeying. You stand your ground, but on the inside your heart bleeds.

A friend, a person you thought you could always count on lets you down. This hasn’t been the first time. It’s become a pattern. You begin to consider the expense of this friendship. You make excuses for her behavior. The trust has been broken so many times. The pain is too much to continue putting up with the unsolicited antics. You are constantly feeling empty or hurt. Her words sting every time she says something unsuitable. Her ideas have changed so much you wonder about any hope of recovering any thing cordial you may have once shared?

We mask our emotions, leaving us drained from energy and lonely. We pretend we are happy when we are not, keeping that plastered smile on our face, hiding our true feeling, while we wonder, ‘does anyone really see my pain?”

I’ve have been that duck on the pond. Sitting quietly, seemingly relaxed on the surface, while beneath, I am paddling frantically to keep all appearances still and calm.

Many examples from the bible tell us there has been many that have experienced that sudden emotion, not knowing exactly what to do at first. Once they sought God, their thoughts changed. God brought them peace.

Daniel must have been filled with fear when he was first thrown into that den of lions. He mind must have been racing, wondering about becoming dinner for the untamed beasts.

Noah probably scratched his head, perplexed with thought, feeling overwhelmed with the idea of building an Ark. He may have lost a few nights sleep, thinking this job is way to big for me.

Mary must felt so anxious when she found out she was pregnant, unwed and having to face her family with such news. Yet her emotions turned joyful when she realized she would be giving birth to the Savior of the World.

And Jesus, as his body was stretched across those wooden planks, beaten and his body shedding blood. Did he feel alone and broken, knowing he was about to give up his life to safe us from sin?

Emotions.

We are overjoyed finding out that our first-born will soon make us a grandparent. We are proud watching our daughter walk across the stage to receive that well deserved diploma. We can hardly contain ourselves, when we find out our body is cancer free. It certainly gives us feeling of contentment when we look across the room and see our spouse that has shared the past 20 years with us, being steadfast and true.

God gave us emotions. They can be good or dreadful. Managing our emotions in a healthy way comes with maturity. If we don’t learn to manage they can and will drain us when unexpected or dreaded situations arise. We will be left feeling exhausted and powerless.

When we learn to surrender ourselves, our emotions to God, we develop a certain freedom. We are freeing ourselves from the drowning, overwhelming feelings that some emotions can take from us.

As I paddle through life, I’m learning to match the underneath waters with what appears on the surface of the pond. On the outside I am calm. On the inside, I am learning how to be calm. I am experiencing the joy when God surprises me with an unexpected blessing.

On the days when I’m not prepared for the unexpected, prayer calms my spirit. Releasing my anxieties brings a certain peace, reminding me to quiet down and be still.

To adjust how we feel we must adjust how we think. If we think of God first before we allow our emotions to take over, God will set the tone. He will bring us through the valleys and rejoice with us in the victories. Both can be rewarding.

Rain On Me God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (Ephesians 6:10 HCSB)


Some folks have a green thumb. The most withered up, on its last twig of life, can take hold of a dying plant. It will be nurtured. It will be given the perfect amount of water and sunlight, to cause it to replenish its strength, grow and blossom.

I am not one of these people. I don’t know much about keeping a plant alive. How much do I water? How much sunlight does it require? When is it time to replant from the smaller container to a larger one? Even the smallest instructions to the most hardy of plants seem to whither and die in my care. It’s sad, but true. It isn’t that I don’t care about the plant, I just don’t know enough about it in order to keep it healthy and strong.

Sometimes I feel the same about myself. I am spiritually exhausted. I need my strength renewed. Just as a plant needs water and sunlight, I need to be replenished. My mind is overwhelmed, and my spirit is weak. The weight of the world is so heavy. Lord, can you please lift some of this burden?

I am too weary to lift my head, so I shall bow it. I am asking other believers for support and encouragement. I call out to you Jesus to renew my spirit. Revive my strength, keep me firmly planted and lead my roots to grow stronger in You.

I put my trust at your feet God and I will listen closely to your voice. I shall look for your light of wisdom for direction. I will feel your hand prune me, cutting away the dead foliage so that I can flourish in new growth. I will drink the water you provide to quench my dying thirst.

I thank you God for loving me enough to make sure I’m getting the right amount of nurturing and care so that I may live victoriously for you. I thank you God for providing me with support and prayers from other believers. The encouragements that come my way are sincerely appreciated and welcome.

Most of all God, thank you for never leaving me, nor forsaking me. Your promise means so much, for when I loose my confidence in other things, I am certain you are always with me. Thank you God for knowing me better than I know myself. You know just when to take hold, keeping me healthy and strong.

Anxiety and troubles will come, but they hold nothing to you God. You are bigger than it all. You rekindle my spirit and renew my strength. You have never let me down.

God Is With Me, Always!

God Is With Me, Always!
February 16, 2010


I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. (Psalms 139: 7-10 HCSB)


Writing down my thoughts is something I’ve done since my early teens. It began as an escape by imagining myself in another time and better circumstances. I was braver and certainly more adventurous than in real life.

Then as I got older, I began to write differently. It became more about my Savior Christ, Jesus. I even began to venture, asking a few generous and kindhearted friends to lend feedback. With their encouragements, I continue to write. As I focus on what is on my heart, it has simply been my way to witness. I admit, at first I did it selfishly. The verse I attached to the small piece was a gentle reminder to myself of God’s love. He understands. He forgives and He is in control. His confidence grew in me, giving me dignity, worthiness and power to succeed the pains I had been through. It would give me strength to carry on and move forward.

TODAY, I am assured I am loved more than I have ever been loved. God has given me peace that I’ve needed for so long. However, it didn’t start over night. I had my doubts at times. Had I been forgotten or simply not that important? I have often felt invisible, while at other times wished I could be invisible. Although, my journey continues, (God ain’t finished with me yet,) I know I still have along way to go.

Here is some of my story. It isn’t more profound or greater than anyone else. It doesn’t take priority over any one else, their pain or personal trials. Sadly, it isn’t much different from what has happened to others. The distinction is my story no longer holds me for ransom.

I was sexual molested by three different individuals and raped by one, as a young girl. This began very young in my life. Two family members are to blame as well as a trusted family friend. The abuse lasted for six years.

Growing up with this secret kept me from being the child of God that I was intended to be. It nearly destroyed my self-esteem. I lived in fear for years. I have felt every emotion; shame, guilt, anger, resentment and my mind has been filled with questions. The memories are ugly and I have reacted and acted out in ways that has shamed me. I have spent many days beating myself up for being so vulnerable and naive. I have asked the same questions over and over. Why did this happen?

God has always been with me. God didn’t create the evil, instead He protected me from it. Some of my earliest memories of protection are days when I turned to my little sister. Another memory is when God sent a friend or a trusted adult into my life for the day. These moments reminded me to be a kid or provided nurturing I needed. God protected me by placing me with the right circle of friends when my attitude could have been easily swayed. God certainly protected me when I grew into a young woman. So many paths I could have taken, but God kept my mind clear and grounded. Many times I was directed in such a way, saving me from what could have been regrettable mistakes.

I have been blessed with the Godliest friends that I prefer to call sister. She has stood by me and lent her heart to help mine heal. I am gladly surrounded by the most amazing women that share their lives with me and I cherish every one. I have been blessed with an understanding husband and two awesome daughters.

Although those early years nearly destroyed the me, I am finding TODAY, I am becoming more like the woman God intended. The capsules will remain as they are banked in my memories. Yes, they seep out occasionally. I admit I have withdrawn back in that frightened little girl that wants to become invisible again. This abuse stole my innocence. It affected my adolescence. It effected my abilities of being a wife, mother, friend, co-worker, daughter and yes, child of God. It put me in places where I loathed, such as the panic or resentment. It’s weight, I carried, nearly broke me.

In spite of all the hurt and pain, it never tore me away from my God. It has taken many prayers and patience as God worked this out. It has taken many loving and caring sisters to hold my hand, wipe my tears and nudge me along when I’ve felt abandoned or stuck. It has taken a loving family never yielding support and loving me through it all.

Recently, I encountered a set back from the progress that I have made the past few years. I fell upon a significant memory. It was physical reminder of one of the men that hurt me so badly as young girl. I fixated on the photograph. I remembered his voice, his scent and his hands. My stomach felt ill looking at his face. The hate resurfaced and it took me back to the days when he placed his hands on my body. The storm of emotions flooded my mind. The fear easily crept back, soon followed by anger and disgust.

I wanted to destroy the photo right way, but there are others in the photograph that had never caused me harm. If I destroyed this picture, would I be disrespecting them? I held onto this photo for nearly a year, shoving it further and further in the back of a closet. It was out of sight, out of mind. It didn’t work. It dwelled heavily on my heart. As it lingered about, I was once again reminded of the pain and hurt I once felt.

I prayed many times asking God to move me forward, far away from this pain. I have prayed that I don’t use these things as a reminder of the pain, but as stepping-stones to encourage others that a complete healing is possible. I have wanted to be a witness to other people that have gone through similar situations to remind him or her that their voice counts. I have wanted to lend my heart to others to say, you can be set free from the bondage. I have wanted others know how much God loves and will never leave.

Through the days of growing and learning, I made many mistakes. I have hurt others by my actions or words. I have held onto anger toward the adults that should have been protecting me. I have resented and mistrusted. I have asked to be forgiven by those I have hurt as I also had to forgive.

The most amazing part is even from the darkest moment, to the lights of glory, God has always been with me. I cannot escape him because I belong to Him. I am His daughter, surrounded with His love and I am fully wrapped protectively in His arms.

I made a decision. I freed myself from this bondage. I burned the photograph. Yes, I lit a match to the corner and watched the flame grow. It didn't take long for the old photograph to turn into ash.

What did this little ceremony signify? I half expected a moment of clarity, leaving me with a freeing, cleansing moment. The bad would be gone and all things would be new. It wasn't quite that dramatic, yet the emotions that welled up in me felt good.

My dad was in that picture. However, it didn’t for one second diminish the memory of my dad. I have many memories and photographs of my dad. The picture burning didn't take away the memory of the man that hurt me either. Yet, as I watched the photo disappear, I felt a sense of peace. I heard God's whisper, "Let Go."

As the man began to dissipate into a puff of smoke, I realized it should have been done years ago. Is it time for you to let go?

With God’s patience and mercy, He allowed me to hang on it until now. By letting go, God's gave me His assurance that this will no longer have hold over me. I can fully concentrate on being the whole person He wants me to be. Whatever that takes, I am willing to trust. Whatever God has in store for me, I will accept. God is with me today as He as always been.

Without a doubt, His spirit is ALWAYS with me and I am loved.

Praying? What is This Prayer You Speak Of?

Prayer? What is this Praying You Speak Of?

January 19, 2010

Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may Your name be honored.
(Matthew 6:9 HCSB)

Have you ever heard, “When I pray, I lose focus” or “How much time do I need to spend with God?” Or, “Does God really hear my prayers?”

If we are always talking to God, we wouldn't have those questions as the bible tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-17. “Always be joyful. Pray without ceasing.”

Does this mean we have to be on our knees every minute of the day? With the demands we face in our daily lives, we feel fortunate to spend five minutes with God. However, the context of that verse is with the attitude, not the action. We are to remain joyful for all things and communication with God at all times. It doesn’t mean we have to be a sitting down formally or setting a time limit to be in prayer. It can be while we are sitting in traffic, filing papers at our job, making lunch for our toddler, sitting quietly in an empty house or on our lunch break. We have many opportunities to talk to God.

Prayer is our most personal level of communication with God. We can talk to Him, anytime, anyplace, for as long as we want and in any language. We can reveal our inner most thoughts and fears. We can share our doubts and concerns. We can cry or share a laugh with God. God is open to us. Prayer is our heart talking to God.

On many levels we pray. We pray for our country and our Government. We pray for other places that are being hit by devastation, such as Haiti. We pray for our Pastors and leaders. We pray for our marriage or relationships. We pray for our jobs. We pray for our children, our parents, and our siblings and our extended family. We pray for our positions in life asking God to keep a firm hold on us. We pray that we will pass an exam or the Degree we are working toward comes soon. We pray for a healthy life style, or overcome an illness we may go through. We pray for another person's soul.

We CAN pray without ceasing, always whispering the soft petitions to our Father letting him into our minds and hearts.

Praying is simply communicating with God. We can talk to God just as a child talks with his or her father. There is no certain amount of time, or certain format we must follow. Prayer is not a magic gimmick that will complete our every desire, nor can it force a sudden result to our needs. We pray because we want to be close to God.

What if we are confused and not quite certain what to pray about? The Holy Spirit brings together our prayer so that we are praying according to Will of God. God’s spirit that dwells in us will communicate to our hearts and minds. When we pray we can have confidence that God understands.

How do you pray? Do you have a certain time you set aside each day to spend time with God? Do you whisper prayers all day long, knowing God is hearing your quiet voice? Do you have a prayer group that you attend, joining together as one voice? There are no wrong answers or perfect design to talking with your Father. Just be yourself and talk to Him. He just wants you to be part of Him as He is a part of you. Exercise your privilege and faith and let God know you TRUST Him.

Prayer can be our First Aid. It can heal. It can restore. It can bless. It can protect. It can build. It can bring comfort. It can bring wisdom and encouragement. God is always ready to hear our prayers. This is why we can pray always and always pray.