A Father's True Love

As we approach Father’s Day, it’s easy for me to think fondly of my Dad. He was the sort of guy that made sense of out of complicated situations. He was the calm in a storm. He was the first man that captured my heart.  When I think of my dad, I can’t help to picture his grin, he calm demeanor and light -hearten personality.  He was usually easy going, but I do recall one time when he wasn't willing to budge.

Recently, I was telling my youngest daughter, Rachel, about a time when I was a teenager. The time was difficult for our family. My sister, Tina had just passed away after her battle with leukemia.  I often went to my dad for comfort and explanation as to why Tina had to die. I was only fifteen, and just as Tina and I were supposed to be growing into our teens together, suddenly she was gone.  I knew that my parents’ heartache was there, as was mine, yet somehow, my dad knew that I needed to ask questions and time to adjust to the loss.

To help bring some type of normalcy, my cousin Kim was able to come spend the summer with us.  I loved having her.  The void of not having my sister was there, but having Kim certainly brought that sisterly connection that I was longing for.  I hadn't had my driver’s license very long and I thought how cool it would be for when Kim came, she and I would be able to take the family car. We would have open access to the East Texas roads. We would turn up the radio and belt out the pop songs that played on the radio.  We would have the time of our lives, being young and free.  A screeching halt nipped that idea in the bud.  No. Nope a chance. No way, was the answer I got from my dad. He wasn't going to budge and there be no discussion. Why, I asked. It’s not fair. Come on.  No matter how much I pleaded, my dad said no.

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.  

Colossians 3:20 (ESV)

At the time, I didn't get it. I thought he was being stubborn and I deserved to have a little bit of freedom with my cousin.

It was one of those moments where my dad said no and even though I wasn't happy, I respected him and didn't push it any further. Part of me understood why he was so unwavering and part of me was of course, disappointed.  Deep down I understood his position but it really hit me years later.  I was a young, inexperienced driver and wasn't ready to be put in a metal box the weighed around 4000 pounds, without parental supervision. Simply, I wasn't emotionally equipped for such an adventure. Maybe he knew that I wasn't prepared to take on the world with such velocity.  But, what really made me get it was that, maybe, just maybe, my dad wasn't willing to risk losing another daughter. Maybe the idea of letting me go off into the world wasn't something he was prepared to do.

As a parent, we have had our moments when we had to tell our kids no. It isn't because we want to be mean or unwilling to compromise. But deep down, we can sense what is best for our child at the very moment and that could result in  a “no.”  I learned a lot from my dad that summer when he denied the car privileges.  I learned that he was protecting me. I learned that a good parent will say no and by doing so, shows his deepest love.

Years later, even after I married and became a parent, I would often wonder how my dad would handle a situation and what advice he would lend.  I still rely on the wisdom that he shared with me, time and time again over the years and without his guidance of a loving parent, and knowing that he was being led by the Holy Spirit in rearing his own children, I wouldn't be the woman and mother I am today.

My dad has gone for over twenty years now, but he remains in me daily.  I honor the man that God placed on this earth to be my dad.  I honor his character, his wisdom and I truly honor his love.  I, for one, was a blessed kid for having a Godly dad.

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.  Exodus 20:12 (ESV)

As I reflect on my dad this Father’s Day, I am filled with his presence that I would like to think, he grew on me and I have adopted his character in my own life. Often times, we can appreciate the true meaning of love when we are willing to step into it.  Thank you Dad, for making that part easy.

No One Is Perfect

When she speaks, her words are wise,  and she gives instructions with kindness.  She carefully watches everything in her household  and suffers nothing from laziness.  Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:  “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,  but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done.  Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. Proverbs 31:26-31 ( NLT)

    On Mother’s day it comes natural to us reflect on our mom’s. We give thanks that she is still with us. We miss her because she is not.  We thank her a for the diaper changes and wiping our noses, and her gentleness when we skinned our knees.  She sat up with us when we had an earache or a bad dream. She stuck it out with us as we grew into adolescence, especially when our mouths and attitudes we less becoming.  She became a carpool mom driving us to soccer practice or dance class. She sat on the sidelines being our biggest cheerleader. She was there for our breakups and sat patiently in the passenger seat, discreetly pressing firmly on the imaginary brake.  She listened and gave advice when it came to filling out our first job application. She beamed with pride when graduated high school and talked about colleges and career dreams. She is there to share in our lives as we begin our own families. A mother’s love comes without stipulation or condition. A mother’s love is just that - LOVE.

   Unless……

   Unless, you didn’t have a mom like this. Maybe your mom was less attentive. Maybe she was more distracted than other mothers and you didn’t receive the attention you needed as a child. Maybe you had to put on your own bandages and deal with your bruises. Perhaps, she was absent during those crucial moments in your life.  Maybe through some of the most difficult times in your life, you were on your own, without the nurturing and gentle touch to guide and direct you.  Maybe you didn’t have the ideal home life. Maybe, just maybe, your mom wasn’t perfect.

  Eve, the original mom pioneered the path for moms. When it comes to dysfunction, Eve and her boys had their issues.  Eve didn’t have a role model or a female mentor to ask advice when Cain and Abel were teething or going through their terrible twos. She had to wing it,  which ultimately resulted in countless mistakes.   Her family was the first to experience domestic violence and she was the first to lose a child.

  Maybe you're more familiar with Sarah, who grew impatient and took matters into her own hands by asking another woman to bear her child, then became resentful. Perhaps someone like Rebekah, hits home who played favorites with her children. Then we have Bathsheba, who had a child with a man, other than her husband,  creating havoc in her household.  

  Moms are not perfect. This mother’s day, if possible, try to acknowledge the Mother that you were given.  You may have survived family dysfunction, emotional neglect,  psychological abuse, violence within your own home, yet you are still here.  You may have been spiritually abused and told that you are not important, not even to God. You were left to deal with the aftermath. Just like the women in the bible, no one is perfect. If your mother lacked in some way, try not to be too harsh and hold that against her. Instead, embrace the possibility that she is stronger than you are giving her credit. Give thanks that you were born and given opportunities; a chance to grow, learn and trust in your own relationship with God.  

 The women: Eve, Sarah, Rebekah and Bathsheba, in spite of the turmoils, God also redeemed them. Eve may have been given a bad rap, yet she did her best with what she knew. Sarah had to learn patience and it started with motherhood, knowing that good things do come. Rebekah reminds us to remain humble and not to use our maternal gifts as power of manipulation. And Bathsheba, gives us hope. Regardless of the circumstances, God can redeem any situation.

 My mother wasn't perfect. I haven’t been perfect.  Yet, the blessing that I received and still receive gives me the best part of being a mom. If we can look past the imperfections and give our mothers and ourselves some grace, forgive and  embrace the cherished moments, it can open up new paths and the thought that God must have trusted the woman that gave birth to us, otherwise, we wouldn't be here. Appreciate the lessons and appreciate the imperfections, for without them, motherhood would not be respected and as precious.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

Ephesians 6:1-3 (NLT)